foolproof marinara

trying out this whole video thing…

 

no real recipe here, just eye-balling

I got it (carrot cake) from my momma

Growing up my mom would make carrot cake on every birthday. Now, I make it on a Tuesday.

I live for this stuff.

I eat it for breakfast…lunch..dinner. Dessert. Every minute of every day.
Jam packed with carrots, this oil based cake is as good as it gets. Not too sweet, perfect amount of moisture, and the oh so comforting spices.

And then that delicately tart cream cheese frosting.

I am in heaven.

(Like Winnie the little polar bear, here in the snow.)

I won’t give the exact recipe because to me, it’s worth like 800 million trips around the world…..but I can give some advice.

Cut the sugar in almost 1/2. Add extra cinnamon & allspice.

And use EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA carrots 

Save time by shredding carrots in the food processor…

And shred wayyyy more than you think you’ll need (usually I double it)

Perfect.

4 eggs.

Eggs meet oil

{Eggs + oil} meet dry ingredients

Mix until like this

Add carrots

Yum

Now divide it up

Bakey bakey

Time to makey some frostey

Butter, cream cheese, powdered sugar, vanilla, & a touch of milk.

Magic

Now frost her up

The sloppier….The better.

🐷🐷🐷

Best Cornbread

I am freakishly obsessed with cornbread.

But not that dried up, no crust JUNK. Sorry

but you need some help.

 

Fine Cooking as usual comes thru with some of the best recipes around.

Case in point, this beyond foolproof (believe me I once forgot to add the cornmeal mush until the last step, and it was still fabulous) cornbread.

The fun thing with this is you can add whatever you want.

 

I like jalapeños… (SERIOUSLY PRODUCTIVE CROP) and corn as well.

**Here, I used 2 jalapeños from my garden and a can of drained Costco (my love) corn. Since the spice AKA Capsaicin oil is in the white membranes, I took out ~1/2 of one.**

Finely chop those babies.

Oh yeah, there’s my trusty can of Costco (my love) corn

PERFECT.

While your cast iron skillet preheats in the oven, get your dry and wet (with desired mix-ins) ready.

Since I am too cheap to buy buttermilk… I always make my own. Pioneer woman taught me. 1 tablespoon VINEGAR (distilled white) to 1 cup milk.

Add that to your cornmeal mush with other wet ingredients….

Once the oven beeps “ready!!”…get your wet and dry ingredients together

leave some clumps…you are mixing more later.

Get some BUTTAH sizzlin’ in your hot cast iron pan.

Best pic.twitter.com/BC9zuZ8YpV

— laura taft (@monkey925) September 21, 2016

Bake that little OINK OINK up.

 

Oh BOY, time to stuff it.

 

Happy Pi Day

Extra almond crust in your fridge + Pi Day = one EXTRAAA delicious coconut cream pie

  
I like adding toasted coconut to my custard and a big mountain of freshly whipped meringue

  
Then bake this beautiful 🌴 baby

   
   
Who wants to watch Trailer Park Boys with me and eat this?

  

Thank you Juno

“Lord, please let it snow so much that everything is cancelled for two weeks but my Internet remains on and there’s plenty of grilled cheese.” Thank you Michael Ian Black.

But instead of grilled cheese, let’s have soft PRETZELS. Sweet or savory; which do you prefer?

I found the recipe in Better Homes and Gardens cookbook.

You know, this red and white LEGEND. It’s jam-packed with timeless and delicious recipes. If you don’t already have one, get on Ebay and buy the newer version without the spiral binding.

I unintentionally made mini and normal sized pretzels. This was my first time, leave me alone.

Shaping is basically just a couple of twists and then a flip.  Does Shaun White make pretzels??

For savory pretzels, I made semi-everything mix.

Coarse sea salt,  minced onion (Whole Foods has this), fennel seeds, sesame seeds, and poppy seeds.

Sprinkle this on with the egg wash right before the second bake.

For sweet pretzels, let fully baked pretzels cool slightly, then brush with melted butter, and sprinkle with desired topping. Here, I used the Auntie Anne’s trick.

More snow is coming, what are you going to crave????

Chicken Divan

I used to beg my mom to make this recipe. Seriously this is one of the most comforting dishes out there. Fresh broccoli, aromatic white cream sauce, and chewy chunks of peppercorn spiced chicken. Yum. Plus, she would serve this over egg noodles. Okay, I need help.

Making the cream sauce is pretty cool. First you need to make a basic roux, or half butter and half flour mixture flavored (in this case) with shallots.  Then you turn your toasted roux into a béchamel with the addition of milk, cream, sherry, Parmesan cheese, nutmeg, and of course, S&P.

Here is the recipe.

FEW TIPS:

• Add minced shallots as the aromatics in the roux

• Add extra sherry, Parmesan cheese, and don’t forget that pinch of nutmeg in the béchamel…. it makes a HUGE difference!
• I like a mixture of 80% milk to 20% cream. You can play around with this.

• Boil the chicken with salt, whole black peppercorns, and bay leaves.
• After you mix the sauce with the cooked chicken and broccoli, try it and see what it needs. You almost always need more salt and black pepper.

This is divine. Can you say improved copycat of Campbell’s soup???  #creamsauce #heaven

Stop being a diva and make ‘diva-n’ TONIGHT!

Little Piggy Rolls

Something about Christmas reminds me of pigs. Maybe it’s the Honeybaked Ham or just a reflection of how I feel when I look into the fridge.

Check out these adorable and must I say, ABSOLUTELY DELECTABLE Cardamom rolls my sister made.

Little piggies need ears…

They also need to get nice and portly with a good proof. And what little piggy doesn’t love a bath in egg wash?

This little piggy got BAKED…

This little piggy is going in my mouth..

And this little piggy needs a nose job.

Homemade Braided Collar for a Yellow Lab

Winnie deserves the world. She is the sweetest little sea otter/dog in the world, and I love her. So today I made her a collar! I’m going to give it to her on Christmas and I can’t wait to see her eyes light up when she catches sight of this nautical necklace. (Yes this dog is ridiculously human-like so stop judging)

Here is how it turned out.

I followed this blogger’s guideline.

Cut WAY more rope than you think you’d need. Tying these knots eats up rope like crazy so make it super long. For reference, I put mine together on my bed and it was snaking all over my floor. You can always cut off extras later so be generous. Also if you want, cut the two middle pieces significantly shorter. They remain stationary the whole time, so you can almost cut them the length of your pre-existing dog collar plus an additional 6 or 8 inches for the loop.

Here is the braiding process. Remind you of childhood making hemp bracelets?

Once you figure out the knot, the hardest part is attaching your hook/clasp or making a loop. I used the cut, burn, and wrap trick that my sister taught me.

I think Winnie will like it.

She loves new jewels.

Are you down with the Cinnamon Swirls?

My mom raved about these rolls. As you can tell from her 1963 McCall’s cookbook, this was one of her favorite recipes….

The more stains, the better.

Now I see why.

These are unbelievably scrumptious, and the dough is the fluffiest and lightest I’ve ever made. It might be my new go-to. The balance between salty and sweet is absolute perfection. I am on my fourth….this swirl is just incredible! 👌

I want you to experience this magic but be careful, your house will smell like Cinnabon.

Basic Sweet Dough I like shortcuts, so I changed up 1 or 2 things, nothing major.

• ¼ cup milk
• ¼ cup sugar
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 3 tablespoons butter
• ¼ cup warm water (105 to 115°F)
• 1 pkg. active dry yeast
• 1 egg
• 2¼ cups A.P. flour

1. In a small saucepan, heat milk just until bubbles form around edge of pan; remove from heat. Add sugar, salt, and butter, stirring until butter is melted. Let cool to lukewarm (a drop sprinkled on wrist will not feel warm).
2. Check water temperature running from faucet with thermometer. Sprinkle yeast over water in large bowl, stirring until dissolved. Stir in milk mixture.
3. Add egg and 1 cup flour; beat, with wooden spoon, until smooth. Add rest of flour; beat until dough is smooth and leaves side of bowl.
4. Let dough autolyse for 5-10 minutes, AKA let it rest. Turn out onto lightly floured surface. Knead until dough is satiny and elastic and blisters appear on the surface. Roughly 9 minutes.
5. Place in lightly greased large bowl. Cover with towel and let rise in warm place (85°F) until double in bulk- 1 to 1½ hours. If you live in the tundra like me, this will be the oven, with a warm water bath on the bottom.
6. Turn out dough onto lighted floured surface; knead 10 to 15 times. Now dough is ready for shaping.

 

Cinnamon Swirls Same as original.

• Basic Sweet Dough ready for shaping
• 4 tablespoons butter, room temperature
• ¼ cup light-brown sugar, firmly packed
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 2 tablespoons granulated sugar

1. Lightly grease 12 (2-inch) muffin-pan cups.
2. Roll Basic Sweet Dough into a 12-by-8 inch rectangle. Spread with 2 tablespoons butter, softened. Combine brown sugar and ½ teaspoon cinnamon; sprinkle evenly over butter.
3. Roll dough tightly, from long side; pinch edge, to seal well. Cut into 12 slices.
4. Place a slice, cut side down, in each muffin cup. Brush with 1 tablespoon butter, melted. With a fork, gently pull up center of each roll.
5. Cover with buttered plastic wrap; let rise in warm place (85°F), free from drafts, until double in bulk-about 40 minutes.
6. Preheat oven to 350°F.
7. Bake rolls for 20 minutes, or until browned.
8. Combine remaining cinnamon and granulated sugar. Brush hot rolls with butter, melted; sprinkle with cinnamon mixture. I did not use all my cinnamon sugar mixture.

I like to score the dough before cutting… it helps to plot out the spacing.

Homemade Pigs in the Blanket with Brioche

It is snowing out… I can’t believe it! What better way to enjoy this cold day than building a fire and making homemade pigs in the blanket! These are soooo freaking good! I just ate 5 and I probably need to stop… but I can’t! You need to make these NOW. It will only take 30 minutes!! Even Rachel Ray in all her annoyingness would approve.

• Basic Brioche Dough
• Maple Flavored Sausage

1. Preheat oven to 375°F.
2. Brown sausage and drain excess fat onto a paper towel or washcloth. Clearly, I went for the cheaper or more eco-friendly (yeah, that sounds better) route.

3. Take your beautiful brioche dough out of the fridge and roll out onto a lightly floured clean work surface. I used about half of my dough.

4. Cut into triangles and roll up your little sausage links. Start at the fat end and end at the tip.

5. Put on top of your warm oven, cover with plastic wrap, and let rise for a few minutes until puffy. We are not trying to get food poisoning here though, so only a few minutes.

7. When they are ready, they should look like this.

8. Now bake for about 15 minutes, or until golden brown. ENJOY!!!

Best gobbled down by a blazing fire.